Did Michael Gove really mean that we need an “Hamsterdam”  style police force, like in “The Wire”?  Well, it was quarter to eleven and Newsnight isn’t exactly exhilirating and I was only watching it because getting up would mean spending five minutes removing my three layers of mascara and tottering off to bed. But I think he did say that.  I think he also had this idea about the police force being answerable to “independently” elected politicians haha. And he kept going on about how marvellous everything was in “Surrey, where I live.”   Yes, I’m sure it is dear.

And what is this Ikea-flat-pack style “build your own schools” about?  I’m not saying I couldn’t establish a worthwhile and astonishingly beneficial academy for young peeps to learn their stuff, but isn’t “Hey!  Build your own schools!” policy about other people paying for them so the government doesn’t have to?  And what is going to happen to the dinner ladies?  I can’t picture George Osborne standing there doling out the semolina.

And apparently we are going to have a BIG society.  Which we already have.   Some people are MASSIVE.  It’s all the semolina.

Then Jeremy Paxman cheered things up a bit by telling us all about the threat of a nuclear terrorist attack.

I am finding this Election Campaign slightly psychadelic.  It’s a bit way-out to be that localised, Mr D Cameron.  He wants us to get involved, which is presumptious because he hasn’t asked us if we want to.   What I want is to be left alone : I pay taxes so the government do all the work and I don’t have to.  That’s how it works.   The last thing I want is to be telephoned by the Chancellor of the Excheqeur because he wants me to arrange geography field trips for sixth formers or something (trust me, with me in charge, they’d get lost).

Mr G Brown is just oddly chortling all over the place with his darling, Chancellor Darling, looking like a man who thinks he has got it in the bag.  No doubt he is nonplussed that the British press have taken the pressure slightly off Brown slag-a-thon that they were involved in six months ago.  And there’s Nick Clegg getting a bit cross and talking about both parties as a “Labservative stitch-up”.  Presumably, it’s some kind of cross-party knitting group, which is good, because it means I have my constitutional role, finally.  I’ll have them cable knitting sweaters within a fortnight.  They can take out their stress on the economy by designing a nifty purl 2, plain 2 patterned sweater in their party colours.

Can I vote for the removal of words that aren’t words but that are made up of other words and stitched together, please?  “Labservative” doesn’t exist.  Next we’re going to be  talking about “Torybour” and the “Conserviral Democrats”  which sounds like a disease.

I am very confused.  I went to bed and didn’t have nightmares about nuclear terrorism, just Alistair Darling his astonishing eyebrows looming out at me from the darkness as he sung about fiscal policy.  Eurgh.

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