Customer Service Pay Pal style


I have to post this.  This is my experience this morning, of dealing with PayPal’s idea of customer service, where I needed to change my account to my married name. “Louise” is their automated computer assistant.  

Louise  Hello, I’m Louise and I’m here to answer your questions about PayPal. Even though I’d like to be a real person, I’m not. I’m programmed to answer your questions. How can I help you?

 

You  change of name

 

Louise  You can change the name on your account only for typographical errors or a legal name change. For security reasons, you cannot change account ownership (you can’t change your name to another person’s name). To make a name change, please submit a request through our secure form

To complete your name change we may require that you fax or upload some current photo proof of your identity. Please note that it normally takes 3-5 business days to review your documents.

 

Was the information I gave you helpful?
-Yes 
– No

 

You  No.  I  haven’t used my PayPal account since before I got married. I need to amend it by the end of this month?

 

Louise  Can you give me some more information about your problem?

 

You I thought I just did

Louise I’m not sure I’ve understood. Could you please rephrase that?

 

YouI need to change my bank account name that takes automatic PayPal funds to my married name

 

LouiseYou can view, add, remove or select your primary bank account from your account Profile:

If there is an error in the bank account information you have added you must remove the bank account from your PayPal account and carefully re-add it with the correct information.

Note:
 
– Each bank account can only be added to PayPal three times
– You can add up to eight bank accounts to your PayPal account.
I’m right here if you have any other questions.

 

You What?!

 

Louise I’m not sure what you’re saying. Could you please rephrase that?

 

You Louise – I need to change my PayPal name to my married name.

 

Louise You can change the name on your account only for typographical errors or a legal name change. For security reasons, you cannot change account ownership (you can’t change your name to another person’s name). To make a name change, please submit a request through our secure form

 

To complete your name change we may require that you fax or upload some current photo proof of your identity. Please note that it normally takes 3-5 business days to review your documents. Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.

 

You Louise – this is not at all helpful. You say the document can be scanned but you do not say where to?

 

Louise  Great! I’ll be here if you have any other questions.

 

You Yes, you are there. Very much so.  But you’re not at all helpful. You’re about as useful as a milk chocolate teapot.

 

Louise I’m sorry I haven’t been able to assist you.  I’m not sure I’ve understood.  Could you please rephrase that?

 

Then, these bastards give you an online CODE that is only valid for 60 minutes.  Once you ring the overpriced helpline you are put through to a woman who always sounds like Carrie Fisher before she gave up drinking.  Then, if you have had the cheek to get married they require FOUR types of proof for verification.  Why?  Do they think I am too ugly to have ensnared a husband?  Presumably they think I am pretending to have got married in order to enjoy the thrill of this disgusting, fucked up bureaucratic nightmare. I feel I have lost a skin or three this morning through these people and am now off to take up heavy drinking.

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